Butt Biter
by ForThoseWhoLikeToMoveItMoveIt
Summary: 3...2...1...BUTT BITER! Oneshot.


**Author's Note: Er takes place somewhere after Madagascar 3? Or maybe sometime in that timeline. *shrugs* I am fixing the lack of Madagascar film fanfics. One fic at a time. WAHAHA! Review for fandom's sake? **

**~Natty.**

* * *

_Butt Biter._

_~M~_

"Well I hope you like it." Melman said after giving the zebra his gift.

"A bowl! I love it, Melman!" Marty smiled, putting his hay he'd been eating in the bowl and starting to eat it from there.

The giraffe nodded. "You know that was my first, no, _second_ bedpan!"

"PTAH! PTAH! PTAH!" The zebra was sent into a coughing fit, spitting out everything in his mouth. He frantically rubbed his tongue before a hardened glare formed in the direction of the hypochondriac and Marty was about to lunge over and strangle the guy.

Gloria pulled the angry steed back, the monochromatic animal still swinging its hooves. "I think that's enough presents, don't you think so baby cakes?" She hugged him.

Marty was about to give his cursing answer when an excited cat literally pounced forward, present in its paws.

"Not yet! Happy birthday, Marty!" Alex handed over the small wrapped box, it being almost minuscule in his large mitts.

The zebra fake brightened up, accepting the gift with a false smile as he looked at the mini Alex covered wrapping paper, the bow being a gold that matched perfectly well with the lion's coat. It was always about Alex, but heck he loved his best friend. "Thanks, Alex! I know I'm just gonna wanna DIE for it!"

Marty didn't lie, opening the lid with a less that convincing smile that only the giraffe and hippo could see through. The cat only looked thrilled, even bouncing on its heels a little with its paws clenched as high as its chest.

The zebra expected it to be an Alex-themed something; Gold lipstick with the tube in shape of him or a novelty 'Alex the Lion' toilet brush or something! Coulda been an Alex key-chain for all he knew! Truth is, Alex was horrible at gift picking and just a little too in love with himself to boot!

But that didn't mean Marty wouldn't pretend to like it! It's what he did every year of every gift giving holiday. He didn't mind it. He knew Alex meant well. Sort of, anyway.

Yet when Marty peered into the box he was surprised and a little bit speechless. Finally the silence arose much curiosity.

"What is it?" Melman asked, ears perking a bit in interest.

Marty looked up, expression unreadable. He didn't know what to say.

"Well?" Gloria laughed, hands on her big hips. "You gonna tell us or stay with your mouth all wide?"

The zebra's hoof lifted a rectangle device out of the box. "It's a iPod…" Marty said vacantly.

"I got you a new one!" Alex exclaimed happily.

The hippo shrieked a bit in delight, congratulating the lion on paying back that old debt since Alex had broken the zebra's last one and never told him until a long time later.

"Nice find, Alex." The giraffe praised. "Wonder how you found something like that."

"You know that don't matter." Gloria said with a smile. "It's a really nice gift and it means a lot to Marty whatever way Alex got it. Right Marty?"

Marty was still in his stupor. "You got me an iPod, Al." He repeated blankly.

Alex frowned, now sensing something was wrong. "Well yeah…don't you like it?"

Gloria sensed something was up too and crossed her arms, giving the zebra a warning look not to hurt the lion's feelings. Although she didn't know why he wouldn't like the gift. That bewildered her just as much as the fact that somebody actually decided make every item imaginable in Alex's image. It didn't make a lick of sense. "Of course he likes it. It's absolutely thoughtful and he's very grateful, aren't you?" She dared him with her gaze to say something different.

However Marty wasn't really listening to her. In his own mind the zebra couldn't believe it. The cat bought him an iPod touch for his birthday! That….JERK!

"What in the h-e-double hockey sticks is this supposed to be?" Marty demanded.

The lion's frown deepened as his eyes darted left and right. "It's an iPod…" Alex began, not understanding. "I got it for you for your birthday!"

"Ya got me a touchscreen, Alex! How the HECK am I supposed to use that with these!?" The zebra shoved his hooves in the cat's face.

Oh. So that was it. The cat's expression turned sour. It took him forever to scour for this stupid thing! The least he could get in return was a lot of appreciation and praise! The nerve of some people thinking only for themselves! He was sure glad he wasn't one of those guys!

"It's better than the last one you had!" Alex replied, pushing the hooves away. "And I made sure I couldn't break it this time! It doesn't have any buttons!"

"Exactly! It don't got no buttons!" Marty exclaimed.

"So?" The lion shrugged.

"_So_ ya bought it for yourself! Ya butt-biter!" The monochrome animal said.

"Marty..." Gloria scolded.

Melman saw where this was going. "Wow..."

"Butt-biter?" Alex repeated with a raised brow.

"BUTT-BITER!" Marty reassured loudly, getting up on his hind legs to push the cat.

"Marty, don't you push Alex like that! He tried to get you something special!" The hippo said.

The zebra rolled his eyes and shoved the cat again. "Man, only thing he got me was heartache!"

Alex narrowed his eyes and pushed his friend back. "Hey knock it off, Marty!"

"Butt-biter!" The zebra yelled and thumped the cat in the nose with his hoof.

"Ow!" The lion clamped his paws over his sniffer. "I'm serious!" Alex used his finger to flick the gray muzzle back as revenge.

"Guys, this is getting a bit out of hand don't you think?" Melman tried.

Getting flicked by that cold claw was the last straw for the zebra. _"Butt-biter!"_ Marty shouted louder, starting a feminine hand fight with the lion while yelling. "Butt-biter! Butt-biter! Butt-biter! Butt-biter!"

"Quit it!" The lion groaned, using his paws to smack the monochromatic animal's hooves back repeatedly.

"BUTT-BITER!"

"I'm not a-" Alex grunted as he kept fighting the hooves away in their slap fight. "-not a butt biter, Marty!"

The zebra kept throwing his hooves forward, hitting the lion's equally flailing paws in his assault.

_"Quit it!"_

_"Butt-biter!"_

_"Quit it!"_

_"Butt-biter!"_

_"Quit it!"_

_"Butt-biter!"_

_"Quit it!"_

_"Butt-biter!"_

_"Quit it!"_

_"Butt-biter!"_

"Quit it!" Alex growled and shoved the zebra backwards, effectively knocking his friend into a nearby crate. The new iPod that had been discarded on the same box, fell on the ground with a shatter.

Marty looked at him for a moment with pursed lips. "YA IPOD BREAKER!"

Alex groaned, running his paw down his face.

The monochromatic animal frowned, sounding hurt. "What'd ya do that fo', Alex? Ya know it's my birthday! Why ya so ice cold?"

Gloria sighed with an effective eye roll to the two.

Melman pointed back to the train doors. "Can we go back to our own cars now?"


End file.
